P90X = FAIL`

Ok, so one of my goals was supposed to be to lose some weight.. 40 pounds to be exact, with a goal of 10 pounds per month.. How was I going to do this? Originally, the plan was to eat right, do P90X at least once a day and go to the gym at least 4 days a week.. And how have I been doing so far??

Eating right... Well, semi-"check". I have managed to cut down my portions and eat a somewhat healthier variety of foods, including cutting out a lot of processed foods and sodas. I've cut back on meats and cheese and increased whole grains, fish/squid and yogurt.

Photo Courtesy of Emily Strickland Fidler

P90X... Here's the first of the FAILS... I was gung-ho about it, even going so far as to taking the embarrassing before pictures in my underwear (no, you will NEVER get to see them). It was all I talked about for a week. I even did some workouts without Drew because I didn't want anyone else's lack of motivation to bring me down. Then I realized something... *With the kids and work, fitting in a 1.5 hr workout is HARD!! Not to mention not being able to do half the crap that's on the video. I mean, come on... Wacky Jacks? Dreya roll? Plyometrics?? I swear I could hear Drew laughing in his head at my failed attempts at every move and the seemingly near death look on my face as I'm doing it. With the lack of organization with my time and the decreasing self-confidence came decreasing motivation.. Drew and I put in a good effort to keep up with workouts every day for a whole week... And that was it. FAIL....

Gym... Here's another fail.. Money's become a little tight with the addition of our newest little girl, so I suspended my membership to the gym that is right around the corner from my house. Believe it or not, getting out and to that gym was really hard! Besides, I have a gym, at work, that's free and I'm right there 5 days a week, in just the next building. I could go in there and do a quick workout at lunch or after work before I pick up the kids, right? Easy! *imitates buzzer* WRONG!! How many times have I made it in there do even pick up on dumbbell?? NONE... I hang my head in shame.. FAIL #2!

I'm so ashamed... And since I have slacked off on the workouts, I've also slacked off on the eating well.. I have had quite a few sodas and kettle chips are my weakness... The good news is, despite my setbacks and somewhat roller coaster weight the past month, I have lost a net amount of 5 lbs. That's half my goal weight?! How the heck did that happen??? Maybe it's the stress of the poster presentation at a conference I recently attended in Austin, TX. Maybe it's chasing after a two year old while trying to take care of an infant. Maybe it's pure luck.. Whatever it is, I'll take it!! 

But I still feel terrible about not sticking to my goals and doing my best to achieve them.. I feel it every time I look in the mirror.. I feel it every time I put on a pair of jeans, and even though I can zip them up easily I have the deflated muffin top hanging over the waist band. I feel it every time I think my husband is probably wishing his wife were a little hotter, but she's stuck with her. This ranks pretty high up there on the list of things I've felt worst about.

So where do I go from here?? Well... I guess I follow the old cliche and "pick myself up and dust myself off and start over again." Even though I normally would say "Oh, well.. I should be used to failure by now," that's what I'm trying to get away from. I want to be successful and confident. Even if it means putting on a fake smile and drudging on.. So...  

BRING ON ROUND 2!